


Where I Wanna Be

by writeyourownlifestory



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Slight love triangle, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-31 00:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17838830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourownlifestory/pseuds/writeyourownlifestory
Summary: Ben Hardy had everything. Good looks, a beautiful girlfriend and a booming career. Who could ask for more? Enter Joe Mazzello; the writer on his girlfriend's latest film and the key ingredient to turning Ben's life completely upside down.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So, some things to take in before reading.  
> 1) Once again, Ben is a model and so is Lucy. Both are trying to get into acting and grabbed larger roles.  
> 2) Ben's film is a Marvel movie, but it isn't exactly X-Men. Just imagine him as something far cooler.  
> 3) Lucy and Rami are playing in a biopic, but not as Freddie and Mary. Just imagine someone else.

 

He met Lucy when he was just twenty-three and it was love at first sight. They met in that silly, cliche way where you literally run into the person and you both drop everything in your hands. You both bend down, stumbling with your words to give an apology as you gather your belongings. You look up, eye to eye and boom! You have that zing. That magical feeling that you have been waiting for your entire life. 

 

It sends an electric shock throughout your body and leaves you utterly and completely speechless. He was young and naive. He had sex and dated other girls, but never fell in love. Not until her. He knew it was a bit dramatic but he had never met someone like Lucy before. 

 

She had the adorable accent and cute smile. She was fit and gorgeous, blond and beautiful. Just like him. They looked good together and that was important to Ben. He grew up in the town of Bournemouth, but he was raised in the streets of London. Where looks were everything.

 

He got lucky, looking the way he does. He got modeling jobs easily and so did Lucy. Their particular looks never really went out of style. They could adapt to basically everything. They were chic and sweet. Kind and glamorous. People wanted to be them and it felt good to see them all staring. To see the average people want to be them. It was like a dream come true.

 

They had done a handful of shoots together, putting on a good show for the people. It almost became a game to those involved in the fashion industry. What would they do next? 

 

They had been together for five years. Since Lucy was just twenty and fresh to the modeling world. She had done a few things in her teens, but nothing legit. Not like Ben, who walked on the runways of fashion week year after year. Who was a common staple for GQ and Vogue. As they grew older, their careers got better. 

 

Ben Hardy and Lucy Boynton became house home names in Europe. They were models who had branched out of modeling piece by piece and were carefully constricting a fantastic line of work in film and television. 

 

It started off small. Roles where they were the pretty objects. Game of Thrones, Downton Abbey. Different soap operas and a few American shows. They would side characters. The hot objection of the main character's affections. Soon enough it got more and more. 

 

Lucy landed a role in an indie film that wound up winning a BAFTA. Ben was apart of a well-known film in the MCU. People knew them outside of just faces in the magazines. 

 

Life was good and it was only getting better. 

 

And suddenly it was the best when he found out Lucy had been given the role in an upcoming biopic. It was about a rock star and his true love. Christ, Ben couldn’t be prouder. She’d be up there on the big screen, with a starring role. She’d be playing the inspiration of some of the best love songs the music industry ever offered. 

 

They couldn’t have chosen a better girl. 

 

Ben had tagged along to the first table read. The entire cast was getting together, with the director and writer. Ben was there for moral support, to watch his baby do her thing. Lucy was a wonderful actress and they both knew this was going to be a meaty role for her. If she could top this, then she was unstoppable. 

 

Dexter Fletcher was the director. He was somewhat new but he rocked the world when it came to the Elton John biopic, so the world put its fate in his hands. Rami Malek had been chosen to star as the legendary rocker. He was quite fun to be around and was kind to Lucy during the auditions. 

 

Ben had met him once before, having had a small role in the show that Rami formally starred in. He too was a great actor and Ben could feel in it his bones that he would do the man justice. 

 

And then there was the writer. Ben had never heard the name Joe Mazzello before only to find out he was the little kid that got electrocuted in Jurassic Park. He had directed a couple of tv show episodes and some indie stuff, but nothing like this. It was a risk, but if the guy had previously worked with Spielberg, then who knew, maybe the guy could work some magic. 

 

Ben had read a bit of the script before, having to help Lucy with her lines as they laid in bed together and he had to admit it was pretty good. 

 

When Dexter called for everybody to take their seats, Ben stepped away. He would give them their privacy and be back shortly afterward to pick Lucy up. Kissing her cheek, he walked back, watching her go and tripped over a light fixture in the process. 

 

He nearly hit the ground but somebody caught him before it could happen. The man who caught him was laughing, almost amused by it. “I always wanted someone to fall for me but this is a little much,” The man mentioned as he helped him to his feet. “Hey! You good?” 

 

His accent was American. And when he turned to face him, he found that he looked American too. Fresh, clean up with a wide smile and bright colored clothing. He looked like most people expected the American dream to look like. Cookie cutter and approachable. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m great.” Ben muttered softly. 

 

“Better watch next time, buddy. I don’t think this place can afford any casualties until filming starts.” He told Ben, patting his shoulder before rushing off to meet with the cast at the reading table. 

 

Ben left the lot, making sure to watch where he was going every step of the way. He grabbed lunch and spoke with his agent about an upcoming audition and then returned a few hours later. 

 

Lucy was raving about how it went. How well the script was and how excited she was to be a part of it. Ben held her closely, proudly showing her off like he did at every red carpet they went to. 

 

“You look familiar,” The man who had previously caught him said, approaching him wildly. 

 

“I get that a lot,” Ben expressed, letting a small laugh. “Look at any billboard mate and you’ll find your answer.” 

 

“No, no. You played that villain in the latest Marvel movie. Holy shit dude, you were amazing!” 

 

Ben had been recognized due to being a model and a few spots from this show or that show. And even though he did play the villain in the vastest Marvel film, not many people realized it was him due to the dramatic style they had given the character plus his lack of accent as he played an American man. 

 

So it was easy to see Ben had been taken back when the man mentioned this. 

 

“Yeah. That is me actually.” 

 

“Ugh! I can’t believe they killed you off and let that weakly written bitch run off alive. Seriously, whoever wrote that script should be shot because you my guy were the fucking star of that movie.” 

 

“I like him,” Ben told Lucy happily. “Who is he?”

 

“Benny, that’s Joe, the screenwriter,” Lucy told him pointedly. 

 

Maybe she had introduced him earlier. Ben didn’t remember to be honest. “Oh! You’re the dinosaur kid!” Ben pointed out. “Love your work man. That movie is great.” 

 

“Some of my best work, I must admit.” Joe nodded proudly. “I’m branching out into writing and directing now.” 

 

“Hey, hey, hey! Welcome back!” Rami popped up beside them, cutting in between Joe and Ben. “You should have seen her, Ben, Lucy made the entire room burst into tears. She’s something special.” 

 

“Rami!” Lucy gushed, hitting her face in Ben’s shoulder. She was so cute when she blushed. Like a bashful teenage girl.

 

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Ben spoke, puffing his chest, looking over to the girl in his arms. “Are you ready to head out?” 

 

Lucy hummed, going to hug both Rami and Joe. “I’ll see you on Friday.” She mentioned, taking Ben’s hand as she pulled him along. 

 

Ben gave the two men a nod before following his lady love out. 


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of the fic is from the song "Wannabe" by Betty Who. Check her out, I promise you won't regret it.

Shooting for the film began Friday and by Sunday, Ben had his own Friday to work with. His agent promised him an audition, but instead, it turned out to be a chemistry test with the leading actors. All went well and he was cast in an HBO mini-series with the promise of extension if all went well. 

Ben was absolutely ecstatic and demanded that they celebrate. Lucy agreed and they went to a pub well known for people in the business. It was no surprise when they stumbled upon Rami and Joe, who were sharing a pint of their own. 

Lucy insisted they join them in on the celebration, with both men congratulating Ben on the achievement. HBO was a big business and if you could do well there, then you could do well anywhere.

Joe’s biggest goal when this was done was selling one of his scripts to Netflix and hoping to direct it himself. 

“Fingers crossed!” Joe cheered dramatically before downing his next drink. 

Rami had asked Ben where they’d be shooting his show and it seemed like most of it, at this point, was on the studio lot. This excited Lucy as it meant she and Ben would be around one another until they had to go off on location. 

Rami invited Ben to set any time, promising he was always welcome. Joe seconded that, though to be honest Joe was more focused on the baseball game playing on the screen. Ben joined in, having found a rare love of the American past time since he arrived in the states. The two bonded over the screen, leaving Rami and Lucy to chat on their own.

Later that night, when the game was still going on even when he was back at home, Ben found himself getting extra by a number he didn’t know. It turned out Joe had asked Lucy for his number in hopes of having to have someone to talk about the game with. Lucy gave it up easily, happy to see Ben possibility of having a friend who wasn’t a model like himself.

Despite being beautiful and perfect for the camera, Lucy wasn’t like the other models. She was too nice, too funny. Ben had met some models that were sweet, but not like Lucy. She wasn’t hungry to be at the top. She just wanted to have fun and do a good job.

Ben wanted to be on top if it was the last thing he did. 

He accepted the texting as it came. They spoke about the game and about other sports. Joe knew far more about baseball than Ben had given him credit for. How a guy who worked so hard on film could also keep all the knowledge about fifty years worth of baseball in his head was amazing. 

Ben later found out Joe had written and directed a film about minor league baseball. He and Lucy watched it one night while in bed together. Lucy was absolutely amused by it all. The constant fights and screaming, oh the screaming. All Joe’s character did was curse or yell. 

It was wonderful. 

He had texted Joe about it, who was adorably bashful over having someone enjoy his piece of work. Ben found that the word adorable fit Joe rather well. He had never thought of somebody as adorable. It just seemed so immature. And yet it was like the word was meant for the man. 

Lucy admitted to finding some comfort in Ben befriending someone from the set. She had worried that he would get bored, just standing around and watching her or sitting in her dressing trailer. If Ben was going to be around, she wanted him to find a source of entertainment and excitement while also being there. 

The next time he saw Joe was when he drove Lucy down to the set. His own filming was taking a break as they were focusing on other characters, allowing Ben to have a bit of time off. 

Lucy was in a rush, need to get to set and into makeup. They were shooting the 70’s era and she had to get all dolled up. Joe was outside smoking, waving to the two as Lucy ran in. 

“Not sticking around?” Joe called out to him. 

“Nah. I got a bit of shopping to do in town.” 

Despite working in fashion, Ben didn’t keep a lot of the clothes he tried on. Sometimes brands would send him some shit, but he didn’t keep it all. He didn’t like to show off unless he was getting paid for it and he hadn’t gotten any brand deals in quite a while. He got the money but he still had to buy his own wardrobe. 

“Watcha buying?” 

“Just a few things.”

He had to get a new jacket. Maybe some sunglasses. Depends on how he feels and what he felt like spending. 

“Mind if I tag along?” Joe asked, pushing off the wall. “Not much to do around here other than stand off to the side and make sure Rami is sticking to his lines.”

“Isn’t that your job?” Ben joined out 

Joe shook his head. “Yeah but, I trust Dexter with my script.” 

Ben shrugged it off, waving him. “Come on then.” 

Ben drove them off to the strip, bringing Joe to his favorite shops. The older man expressed that he had never been in places like these, not even for when he was being dressed for premieres. He kept it simple. Chose a designer that was pretty well known and wasn’t overly expensive. 

Ben just laughed, having spent most of his life dressing to the nines, allowing people to use his good looks to sell their stuff. Cars, clothing, sunglasses. You name it. He modeled once for a kitchen company. It was quite fun really. Cold, but fun. 

Ben tried on a couple of jackets, allowing Joe to be his own personal audience. He cheered when he liked something and gave him a thumbs down when he didn’t. Joe himself tried on a couple of things, putting on his best model look. He commented about how each item looked like it was hand stitched to fit Ben perfectly, while with him, he was like a little kid playing dress up. 

Ben tried to insist that he was wrong, that Joe looked absolutely fantastic and just needed to have to confidence to wear such things in public. Joe argued, saying that Ben was paid to have such confidence while Joe was usually forgotten about and shoved into the background. 

He went unnoticed which just seemed too cruel for such a wonderful person.

In the end, Ben ended up with a three hundred dollar jacket, which wasn’t very expensive to him. He grabbed a pair of Ray Bans as well as he was in need of some sun protection. Joe had tried on a pair for fun and they looked good on him. Very good. 

Ben bought them on the spot, injecting his credit card without a second thought. 

The man downright refused, fearing he’d break them but Ben didn’t take no for an answer. He placed them on the man’s head, pushing him out the door and out onto the street to get the full effect. They grabbed food together, pizza for them both.

Joe was honestly surprised that Ben would eat such a thing, expressing that he thought the man mostly ate pure protein powder and sweat. Ben worked out a lot, but he still enjoyed the finer things in like, like alcohol and greasy food. 

Joe loved food that was terrible for you. And good for you. Just food in general. Joe said he had three true loves. Food and sports and movies. That was it. That was all he needed in life. 

They talked about this and that. Joe’s personal life and what Ben was like when the cameras weren’t on him. If there was anything he wasn’t good at since he was obviously handsome and a good actor. 

He could play the drums and Joe mentioned he could play the bass. “I have a friend who can play guitar. If Rami can sing, I think we got ourselves a band.” Joe told him eagerly, causing Ben to nearly choke on his slice.

When they arrived back to set, Lucy was had just finished her scene. She had explained to Ben that the longer scenes would be later on and right now it was just the smaller stuff. She kissed him sweetly, getting the old styled lipsticks on his cheek. Joe had teased him about it, licking his thumb to clean it off. Ben didn’t flinch like he thought he would and instead stood still and allowed him to be cleaned. 

When he returned to his own set, Ben did his scenes and went back and forth between texting Lucy and Joe, both about different things. It was quite amusing, as his show was a bit of a period piece and here he was with the latest iPhone. He had a cast member snap a picture to him and sent it to them both separately. Joe got the joke and found it equally amusing while Lucy merely commented on how handsome he looked. 

Just as his own show went back to shooting, Lucy was swept away to go on location in Vancouver. Ben would have gone with her, but he was needed there as a lot was going on with his character and they had two weeks to work on his episode. 

Off Lucy went with Rami and their other cast members. Dexter followed though Joe stayed behind. He never went on location, once again trusting Dexter with his work. Ben took advantage of this and decided to have a bit of a boys night. 

They grabbed food and drinks and hung out at Ben’s place. It was spacious and neither he nor Lucy had enough stuff that would get out of the way. He didn’t have that much artwork to show off, just blown up pictures of himself and Lucy during their glory days of modeling, and as he waited for Joe to show up he was starting to wonder if his place was actually quite boring. 

Joe didn’t seem to think so as the moment they settled in Joe was as relaxed as ever. Like he owned the place. Like the couch was his usual hangout spot. They spent half the day and into the night together, laughing and chatting it up like two people who had been mates their entire lives. 

Joe had told him all about his love of the film industry and shared his own philosophy that movies were something that one could mindlessly enjoy and films were works of art. Ben had never thought of them as two separate things and it wowed his mind to know that someone could care so much about something like that.

He had never met someone with so much passion towards their own work. He and Lucy were good at careers, they knew how to look good and how to act. They focused on their roles but at the end of the day that was all it would be. 

Sometimes she’d come home and tell her about it, but usually just about what he had missed on set and now what was actually going on in the role. And he’d do the same, speaking of his time working on the series, but that was it. 

They would work together during auditions, but over all, it was more like passing the time than getting the other person involved in their role. It was quite refreshing having someone that could relate and someone who wanted the same things as himself.

He and Joe spoke of things Ben never spoke about with anybody, not even Lucy. Things deep down inside he had been trying to keep away. Like what he would do when his looks began to fade. Joe refused to believe that, insisting that Ben was beautiful inside and out and had enough talent to rely on where he didn’t have to worry about being the glam shot piece. 

Joe spoke about his own personal fear of never being hired after aged out of being a child star. He explained there is a small period of time when you can either grow into an attractive teenager and maintain roles or become slightly awkward. Joe admitted to finding an odd middle of the two. 

Ben didn’t find Joe awkward. Instead he found him lovely and amazing to be around. It dawned on Ben that the entire time Lucy had been gone, he didn’t think of her. He was with Joe, happy and relaxed and focusing on his role. Joe was able to get him into a mindset that Ben didn’t even believe to be possible. 

When Joe left, he left with the promise that they’d make a thing of this. Just two guys hanging out, having the time of their lives without any worries in the world. It was a plan Ben was happy to work with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? I hope you don't think the progression is going too quickly for them. The way I tried to have it was Ben and Lucy were so used to being together, it was almost like they forget why they were together in the first place. And in comes this new guy, who is fresh and fun and making Ben feel things he either hasn't felt in a long time or has never felt. It's new and fun but also scary for Ben. What do you think? Tell me below! I live for your comments.


	3. Three

Ben and Joe had spent so much time together that when Lucy finally returned, it felt like a bit of halt on the friendship. It was strange, seeing your girlfriend as a third wheel and Ben felt terrible for it. They had FaceTimed while she was away and he wasn’t lying when he said he missed her.

They had been together for so long and while they had been apart before, not since they moved in together and made a home together. Ben told himself he had latched onto Joe because of that fact and promptly found himself drifting away from the man and going back to being tied at the hip of his lover. 

There were jokes that he wanted to tell, but he knew Lucy wouldn’t get it. Things he wanted to talk about, topics that Lucy would understand. Little things that Ben didn’t think would matter but did deep inside. 

There were things she would mention, about something Rami had said or something he did while they were on location. Ben kept losing himself in the conversation, drifting off and thinking about something else. Lucy noticed and called him out on it. He felt terrible, truly. 

The sheer stupidity of it was what really mattered. How silly he had been, putting so much focus on a friend and not on the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. 

And he did. Ben really did. He loved Lucy and there was no denying it. And he was more than happy to get right back onto that track. 

When his show wrapped on shooting, the studio through them a bit of a party to celebrate. It was a big deal and more people showed up than expected. Even some of the cast members from Lucy’s film were there, having been involved one way or another. 

So when Rami showed up, Ben wasn’t surprised. And neither was he when Joe showed up either. Though it had been rather odd seeing him since Ben had lowkey been avoiding Joe since Lucy arrived back in town. 

Ben felt bad for it, not meaning to avoid him but he wanted things to get back to what he was used to. Being by Lucy’s side, looking good together as they showed up. They chatted with different people and mostly stayed tied at the hip before Lucy was pulled away by one of her girlfriends. 

Joe found him then, cornering him when nobody was around. He was dressed nicely, better than he usually did. Ben guessed it was all for the party, but it caught his eyes. Ben always looked nice — he was paid to do just that. Slick back hair and tight fitting clothing. He knew how to turn heads. And Ben would be lying if he said he wasn’t glad when he saw Joe looking him up and down. 

Ben owed him an apology and he gave him one, expressing that he isn’t used to Lucy being away and more or less wanted to make up for lost time. Joe took it as it was though Ben could see the hurt in his eye. 

They had become quick friends and it wasn’t fair of Ben to just stop it all because his girlfriend was back in town. 

Off on the dance floor, he found Lucy dancing with some of the cast, looking like she was having the time of her life. Rami joined in and Lucy began dancing just with him. Ben waited for something to happen, for a burning in his chest to come on at seeing his girlfriend of two years dancing with someone else, but it never happened. 

She was smiling and laughing and that was all that mattered. 

Everybody was having fun and drinking. And Ben knew that should have included himself and Joe. 

“Do you wanna dance?” Joe had asked him when they were practically finished with their second round. “You’re staring at the dance floor like you want to set it on fire. Go out and dance.” 

“Nah mate. I don’t dance.” Ben replied stiffly. 

It was a true statement. He had other things to focus on. Like where to get another drink, for starters. 

Joe rolled his eyes, completely unimpressed. “Everybody dances!” He insisted. Making his way down, Joe got onto the floor and began dancing along to the next song. Ariana Grande was coming out with bop after bop and the latest from her album was no exception. 

Ben did what he could not to laugh, especially when Joe pulled him onto the dance floor with him. He stood still, letting the man dance around him until finally the blond broke down and began dancing with him.

It was innocent enough, just two guys dancing together. There were tons of people on the floor and nobody was phased by them. Not in the least. Everybody was having the time of their lives and that included Ben. 

By the time they got to the bridge, Ben found Joe pressed up against him and no idea where Lucy even was. Ben allowed himself to relax, his hands on Joe’s hips while the other man's arms were dropped along with his shoulders. The song continued to play as the two danced, singing along with the lyrics until realization hit Ben like a bloody truck. 

He pulled away as the song changed and looked around, no Lucy in sight. Joe was calling out to him but he walked off, hoping to find his lady love. 

He wound up outside on the balcony. Alone and cold. He leaned over, trying to catch his breath. Joe appeared suddenly, having changed him from the dance floor.

“Hey, buddy. You okay?” He asked. 

“I have to find Lucy.” He mumbled in response. 

Joe moved forward, pushing Ben to sit down in the nearby chair. “Just sit for a second, Ben. You look pale.” He told him.

Ben hung his head, trying to stop the dizziness. He hadn’t meant to rush off but it had been too much for him. The dancing, the closeness. The feelings that arose from it. He hadn’t expected it all to happen so soon. Joe knelt in front of him, watching him carefully.

“Do you think you’re gonna be sick?” He asked carefully. “Do you want water?” 

Ben shook his head, taking hold of his hands. “Don’t leave.” He requested. 

Joe bobbed his head, remaining on his knees. He sat there, allowing Ben to catch his breath. Joe talked to him, trying to get him to relax. He spoke about how he was fairly certain that Ariana took lines from an NSYNC song to use for the bridge of her song, and even though Joe was a bigger Backstreet Boy fan he had to admit the lines were pretty dope. 

“I’m sorry.” Ben cut off suddenly. “For not texting you back. Or calling back. I’m a tosser.” 

“I don’t know what that means. Speak American?” Joe teased. 

“Fucking moron,” Ben replied. 

“It’s fine, Ben,” Joe said though it didn’t sound fine. “Lucy she’s an amazing girl. I get it.” 

He said he got it, but even Ben didn’t get it. Lucy was a great girl, one of the bloody best but he missed Joe terribly. He missed how they would sit up for hours and talk about everything imaginable. How he was finally seen as Ben — not the model or the actor, but just Ben. 

Joe was looking away from him and Ben frowned, reaching out to touch his face. He liked Joe’s smile. It was genuine. Nice. His head was spinning and he felt sick. God, he hated American beer. It was garbage and got him drunk far too fast. Watered down bullshit. 

“You okay?” Joe asked him quietly, holding his gaze. 

Ben bobbed his head forward. 

“You’re an amazing guy.” He told him, his voice low and tight. 

He wanted Joe to smile again. Wanted him to keep smiling, because Joe smiling made Ben smile. In his haze, Ben found himself leaning in, watching those pretty red lips. The lips that made the prettiest smile around. 

Ben found himself kissing those lips suddenly, holding Joe’s face in his hand carefully. Joe accepted the kiss but didn’t deepen it. When Ben pulled away, he was smiling, but Joe wasn’t. 

“Oh Benny,” Joe sighed, frowning deeply. 

“Ben!” Both men turned to see Lucy running outside. Joe stood suddenly, going to stand by the edge. “Ben, I have been looking everywhere for you. What happened?” 

“Head hurts,” Ben replied, closing his eyes tightly. 

“Joe, I’m sorry. Sometimes he can be such a lightweight.” Lucy apologized. She took Ben’s arms, pulling him to stand. He stood carefully, the movement rushing to his head. “Come on, the cars out front. Joe, I’ll see you on set.” 

Ben allowed Lucy to drag him away, taking one last look to Ben before they left the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I honestly just write Joe and Ben dirty grinding to "Break Up With Your Boyfriend, I'm Bored"? Yes. Yes I did. 
> 
> Tell me what you thought!


	4. Four

His mum had always told him that when the day comes to buy an engagement ring, it had been special. They didn’t have anything fancy to pass down through generations so Ben had to buy his own. His parents told him that when he was doing his search, he had to find the ring he knew would bring absolute joy to the girls face. 

Every time he looked at that ring, he would see her face smiling back at him. 

Ben didn’t follow this advice when he bought Lucy’s ring. Instead, he focused on what would look better on her finger, what he would be proud to show off. He wound up with miscolored princess cut that was in no way screaming Lucy’s name, but it was pricy and would be undeniably eye-catching. 

He was sitting on the couch when Lucy returned home. The flowers he had bought the day before were on the coffee table, sitting in a vase filled with water. When Lucy entered, Ben stood up. They both began speaking at the same time, both stopping and starting again. 

Lucy looked at the flowers and then saw the box on the coffee table beside them. It clicked rather quickly for her. “Oh Benny, you didn’t.” She muttered softly. 

“Lucy I-”

She cut him off, coming closer, placing her hand over his mouth to silence him. “Don’t. Please don’t do what I think you’re going to do. Not because we had a fight.” 

“I’m not doing this because of the fight.” 

“When did you buy that ring?” Lucy demanded. “Have you had it a while?” 

Ben scampered with his answer. “Well . . . no.” 

Lucy groaned, placing her face in her hands. She spun around the room as if she was looking for an exit. “Ben. I can’t. Not like this. Not when . . . God, so much is happening!”

“Lucy, sit down. Let’s talk about this.” 

Lucy didn’t sit down. Instead, she began rambling on and on about how being on location was so wonderful because they hadn’t been apart in so long and she truly did expect to miss him more than she did. She thought the distance would make her heart grow stronger and she’d return to Ben, wanting to leap into his arms. 

Instead, she came back to a man who was extra clingy and jealous and acting so bloody strongly that she found more comfortable being in her trailer than her own home. 

“If you’ve felt this way since then why didn’t you say something?” 

“How could I?” Lucy questioned. “I thought we were happy. I didn’t want to ruin that.” 

“I thought we were happy too,” Ben muttered. He was speaking to her and to himself. “But we’re not. And we haven’t been for some time.” 

“I never wanted this to happen. Everything is changing, I feel like the world is slipping out of our fingers.” 

“I should go,” Ben told her. He searched around the loft, trying to find his jacket. 

“Benny,” Lucy called out sheepishly. She sat back on the couch, looking like a small child who got yelled at for taking a cookie from the jar without permission. “Are we . . . is this us breaking up.”

Five years together. Would this be how they ended things? Without trying to make it work? Before he could give her the ring. Ben walked over to her, leaning down to press his lips to her forehead. 

“Yeah, Luce. I think it is.” He whispered softly.

Turning away, Ben walked out the door. He drove around for a few hours, trying to collect his thoughts. He didn’t want to end things just right there. He wanted to make sure that one way or another, everything was out on the table. That much he was sure of. 

They hadn’t been happy, not for a while. They seemed like they were because that was what was expected of them. Pure happiness from a purely gorgeous couple. They were what London wanted. What fashion week and Vogue wanted. They were a fucking Supermodel couple. A Super Couple, if you would. 

And yet the last time he had been truly happy was when she was miles away and he was sitting beside another man, laughing and smiling about something completely pointless.

He found his way to Joe’s place quite easily. Parking in the driveway, he hurried up to the door, knocking impatiently. It took a moment, but eventually, Joe answered. 

“Oh Christ,” He groaned aloud. 

“I come in peace.” He swore, popping his head inside to take a quick look around. “Is he here? I didn’t come to start trouble honestly.” 

“No, Ben. He’s not. Gwilym isn’t like that okay? He’s . . . I got the Netflix job and he’s going to be involved. Our lunch today was strictly business. Wait, what the fuck why am I even telling you this?’ 

Ben liked it when he rambled. Sometimes Joe didn’t realize he was doing it but it always made Ben smile. 

Joe was leaning against the doorway, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “What do you want Ben?” 

Ben paused, weighing his answers. “Lucy and I broke up.” He confessed. 

The words took an odd weight off his chest and for a moment, Ben could actually breathe. Joe’s expression fell, showing he obviously didn’t expect that. 

“Oh. Ben, I’m so sorry.” 

“Do you mind if I come in?” Ben asked carefully. Joe shifted his weight from one foot to the other. There was a chance he might actually say no. “Please?” 

With a heavy sigh, Joe opened the door wider, allowing Ben to slip inside. He followed him to the couch, plopping down casually. Joe sat beside him, waiting for Ben to say something. To make the first move. 

“When we got together — Lucy and I — it was like we were on top of the world and we just kept climbing up. We worked, you know? We clicked and we looked good together. It was expected and people liked seeing us together. But over time it felt more like we were together to please the outside world rather than ourselves, you know? Does that make sense?” 

“To a degree.” 

“We didn’t notice it at first. Once we moved to LA, we saw each other so often. Went out and made public appearances. It wasn’t until the Vancouver shooting that we were actually apart for more than a day. And to our surprise, it was refreshing. We could both just breath on our own.

“With Lucy, it felt so natural because it was all I was used to. Almost robotic, like I was just going with the flow.” Ben looked over to Joe, their eyes locking. “The last time I truly felt any real excitement was when I was with you.” 

Joe shifted in his seat, swallowing carefully. “Ben I…this is great, that you’re realizing this now and not years from now but…I can’t be some little experiment.” 

“What?”

“I get it,” Joe let him down. “You’ve been with the same women for so long and now someone else comes along. And it’s spontaneous and new, but as you said, you’re not gay. And as much as I’d like to see you naked outside of a Play Girl magazine, I don’t want to be your little bi-curious adventure.” 

Ben wasn’t lying when he said he wasn’t gay. He still loved women and everything their bodies offered. But he also wasn’t curious. It wasn’t something for him to dip his toe into just to try. He may not have thought of men but he thought of Joe enough to know this was more than some morbid curiosity.

“Being around you set a fire inside of me, Joe. This isn’t me wanting to try some stuff out. For weeks now, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. The way we danced together, how easy it is to be around one another.” Reaching out, Ben took Joe’s hand in his own, squeezing firmly. “That night, I drank but I wasn’t drunk. I got a bit ill but I was still in my own mind. When I kissed you, it wasn’t because of some shitty Miller Lite, but because I wanted it.” 

He dropped his gaze slightly, his eyes falling onto the red of Joe’s lips.

“I wanted it so badly. And I still do.” He whispered. “This isn’t something for me to try before I attempt to win Lucy back. I don’t even know if I want her back. I don’t know what I want other than knowing I want you! All of you, understand?” 

Joe was staring at him. Mouth ajar and eyes a bit wide. Ben wondered if he didn’t actually understand it. Maybe in his desperation and misunderstanding, Ben started to speak in tongues without realizing it. And then Joe was closer than ever, practically on top of him. Kissing him tenderly. Ben lifted his hand, cradling his cheeks ever so carefully.

When they pulled away, Joe was the first to speak. “That should have been our first kiss,” He decided. 

“Number it whatever you want so long it isn’t our last,” Ben told him before swooping back in for more. 

The day hadn’t gone the way Ben expected. One moment he was standing there jealous, watching Joe with another guy and now suddenly they were making their way to Joe’s bedroom. Mere hours ago he was purchasing a ring he fully intended on using to propose to his (now apparent ex) girlfriend and now he was stripping off his clothes to make love to a guy. 

In the end, sex was sex, Ben knew that for a fact, but there was still no denying that being with a man was different from being with a girl. Joe walked him through it easily enough. Extra steps like lubricants were important to think about and to his surprise, there was no pressure on who would top and who would bottom. 

Joe took the role of the latter though there was a nagging voice in his head telling Ben that perhaps next time they could switch it up a bit. He tried not to be such a weakling and be bold. He never had a cock in his mouth before but there was first for everything, right? 

He focused on the head, letting his lips wrap around it easily. He used his hand for the rest and worked Joe slowly, all while the brunet man above was praising the bloody heavens. Ben might have been a homosexual virgin but it seemed he had a knack for sucking cock. He’d keep it as a reminder for the future. 

Joe eventually pushed him away, deciding enough was enough. He lubed up Ben’s fingers, letting him work on him for a bit while they shared sloppy kisses above. One finger, and then another, and then Joe was demanding more. 

Ben didn’t know what position Joe wanted so he just followed his head, making sure no matter what it was, he knew where to line up. And when he did, Christ it felt like he was sliding into home. He made the joke once they are finished, lying together in the soiled sheets. Joe slapped him on the chest for making such a corny tease but kissed away the bruise. 

When morning came, they did it again, a bit more erratically this time. Joe wasn’t topping this time, but Ben was still a determined fucker. After all, it was only the beginning. 

They sat together at breakfast, eating slowly and admiring one another. Ben never wanted to stop touching or kissing him, pulling away only when Joe decided to open his mouth and shatter his heart into a million pieces. 

“You don’t have to jump into anything.” He told Ben carefully. “This is new to you. You should want to be with other men. Make sure it’s what you really want.” 

Ben shook his head, completely and utterly baffled by his words. “I don’t want other men,” Ben told him. 

He didn’t want any men. Or women. Just Joe. 

“Just…think about it, okay? I don’t want to end up like Lucy, falling into strange contentment because you found something that was easy for you.”

“Easy? You think being with you is easy?” Ben questioned. “I’ve never fought harder for anything in my life. I didn’t fight for this, Joe. The universe forced you here. I didn’t ask for it.” 

Joe sighed softly, reaching to lay his hand on Ben’s forearm. “I don’t want to fight with you, Ben,” 

“Well, it certainly seems like it,” Ben replied bitterly. He was no longer hungry. 

He sat there pouting like a child who couldn’t eat candy for breakfast. Joe spoke softly, but Ben refused. Only when he began to kiss along his cheeks did he finally give in; reaching out to grab hold of his chin so he could kiss him properly. 

“Just think about it, okay? I don’t want you to commit if you got it all out of your system.” 

Ben snorted, pushing him away playfully. “Get you out of my system? Not likely, Mazzello.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Shall they have a happy ending or will Ben be forced to find his own way for a while?


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know she's sweet, but she isn't me  
> Where she lies in your eyes  
> That's where I wanna be
> 
> Wannabe - Betty Who

Lucy had agreed to meet him at the local diner. It was small and easy for them to sit and be alone without many people seeing them. He didn’t want to do this at the loft. It just didn’t feel right. Across from one another, they sat with just two barely filled coffee cups between them. 

 

“I’m sorry for how it ended,” Lucy told him somberly. 

 

Ben shook his head. “I’m not.” It was an ending, that much was sure but bittersweet more than sad. It would have been worse if they had continued on to lie to themselves, to pretend like everything was perfect only. 

 

Lucy reached into her bag, pulling out the ring. “I hope you didn’t spend a fortune on it.”

 

He had but he also asked if he’d be able to return it. As he knew deep down this was going o happen. “It’s fine. I’ll deal with it.”

 

“It’s rather pretty.” 

 

Ben snorted. For the first time in a long time, he was able to call her bluff. “No, it isn’t. I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

 

How the bloody hell did he come up with some greenish-brownish looking ring? It was a mystery that wasn’t a mystery that the man chose to ignore for this moment. 

 

“Do you think you’ll be happy now?” Ben asked. It wasn’t meant to be sarcastic or cruel. He still loved Lucy, even if it wasn’t in a truly romantic setting. 

 

She bobbed her head, licking her lips. “And you? Do you think you’ll find your own happiness one day?” 

 

Ben didn’t have the heart to tell her he had already found it. 

 

Later that day he was driving around, unsure of where to go. He felt strange returning to the loft right now. Lucy had agreed to deal with the living arrangements later on as she had planned to meet up with a friend that night and stay there until they could make time for it. 

 

Stopping by the studio, Ben saw a familiar car sitting in the lot. Peeling in, he parked and began his search. He found Joe running around, trying to set something up. Maybe it was to help with his vision board or a reshoot they had to do. 

 

Ben made his way inside, finding Joe going back and forth. In the process, he got himself wrapped up in the camera lights. Joe jumped and cursed, trying to get himself out of it only to topple over. 

 

Ben grabbed him before he could hit the ground and when they locked eyes, Ben realized that the brownish-greenish color of hazel to be his new favorite color. 

 

“Hey buddy,” He breathed softly. “You know, I’ve never had a guy fall for me before. Quite cute actually.”

 

“You’re hilarious. Help me up before I have you deported.” 

 

Ben laughed a bit too loudly, nearly dropping Joe in the process. Joe made damn sure if he was going down when he was taking Ben with him, but little did he know Ben was already too far gone to be stopped. 

 

They took it slow by Joe’s request. Ben had not been on a proper date and ages and saying he was nervous was a bloody understatement. Even if being around Joe was as easy as breathing he still felt like he had to put on a mask. Like he had to prove how much he wanted this.

 

After a while Joe eased up on him. He kissed all his worries away and let him relax into whatever they were doing. Soon enough it got easier and found that being in a relationship wasn’t just going with the flow. He wasn’t putting on a show and the mask had been pulled off. He was happy again.

 

Lucy wasn’t surprised when it came out in the open. She was amused to say the least, commenting how deep down she had seen it coming. The way Ben looked at Joe was in a way he never looked at her and she was glad for that. Especially since she found herself looking at someone else in the same manner. 

 

It was a year later that the film premiered. Lucy and Rami went together, as both the stars and a couple. They proudly showed off their relationship that was still going strong. Lucy looked happy and healthy. She and Rami looked good together and that was important. 

 

It was incredibly romantic, the story they wrote. About how they fell in love on set and what not. A bunch of award buzz went around, with talks of them both being nominated. Ben couldn’t have been prouder. He had wondered if it was like this for a while if Lucy was slowly falling out of love him with and into love with Rami. 

 

None of it mattered now. They were with who they were supposed to be with.

 

Ben’s mini-series had gotten picked up for more seasons and Joe’s Netflix film was set to be released in the summer. Gwilym, as it turned out, wasn’t half as annoying as Ben feared though he and Joe discussed that jealous sex was something enjoyable every now and then. 

 

They celebrated their one year together alone at home, with just a cupcake to share and a small exchanging of gifts. Long gone were the days when every single moment had to be captured so the world could see it. 

 

He and Joe enjoyed their privacy and Ben couldn’t be happier. 

 

And when the time came for Ben to buy that wedding band, it was Joe’s face he saw in it. If only the little prick hadn’t beat him to the punch….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the end. What did you all think? It was fun to write, so I hope it was just as fun to read.
> 
> To my utter surprise, I actually wrote another fic staring these two beautiful boys. It's much heavier than this one, however, so fair warning when I finally post it.
> 
> Until next time my lovelies.

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? I actually wrote this all in one day (not counting the rewriters and corrections I did over time). Are you pleased? It will only be about 4 or 5 chapters, so its a quick read. Please feel free to tell me what you thought down below! Add me on Tumblr (WriteYourOwnLifeStory) or Twitter (AlonaDanger) and have a great day!


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